I need to start writing again, and to start playing music more, and to talking to people again, and really re-connect myself. Everything seems decent, ups and downs, but I really shouldn’t complain. I’m reading again. That’s a start I suppose. The main thing is I miss my friends, or what I have left of them. I only have myself to blame on that, but still. I hate feeling like I don’t know what’s happening in my head as well. Words used to fit themselves together, but these days anything at all coming out is a luxury. I’m not sure what I mean. But here’s to trying.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
The Fear- Alyssa Ledesma (12.17.11)
Lyrics here
Here’s a song I wrote last month. Shitty recording, but I’m pretty fond of the song so far.
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
When I Can Find The Time- Alyssa Ledesma (Dec 2011)
Lyrics here
Yet another crappy recording of one of my originals.
Enjoy
If I Can Find The Time- Alyssa Ledesma (Dec 2011)
I’m not used to being used, so this is new.
I wouldnt play it any other way.
By that thought I used to be intregued,
and I’m relieved by the appearance that it gave.
I knew it was
Too good to be true.
And yes I knew you’d crave something new.
I should surely cross your mind, when I can find the time.
We swore that we wouldnt change,
and I’m amazed how quickly that lie tumbled down.
And I’ll stay tied to these words I couldnt say,
that subtle apathy I found..
I found it was
Too good to be true.
And yes I knew you’d crave something new.
I should surely cross your mind, when I can find the time.
If you, oh if you only knew
how easy I fell for every line.
It didn’t hurt until you meant it, but what you meant was the goodbye.
And I find, maybe I knew.
.
I knew it was
Too good to be true.
And yes I knew you’d crave something new.
I should surely cross your mind, when I can find the time.
The Fear-
Alyssa Ledesma (12.17.11)
I can’t hold it down. I can’t spit it out.
I tie it to my tongue, and let you think you’ve won.
And I am glass. You couldn’t care to ask.
I am such a fragile mind. Oh, we are surely running blind.
I can’t hold it down. I can’t stand the sound.
I pin it to my hands. You still don’t understand.
And I am rain. It couldnt be the same.
You spoke in such a fragile word, but never saw, and never heard.
Oh, I am steady now. I am ready now. I’m through.
Oh, I am cruel. I’m a fool. I’ll look for you.
I’ll look for you in someone else.
I cant hide the blame. I can’t feel the pain.
I stuck it through my chest, and then hoped for the best.
I can’t stop it now. I can’t keep it out.
It’s getting smarter every day.
I keep trying to breathe, to see, to say;
Oh, I am steady now. I am ready now. I’m through.
Oh, I am cruel. I’m a fool. I’ll look for you.
I’ll look for you in someone else.
I tack it to my brain. I wish that I could change…
And I am fear. And I am here. And I am nothing close to clear.
I can’t hold it down. I can’t stop it now-
Oh, I am steady now. I am ready now. I’m through.
Oh, I am cruel. I’m a fool. I’ll look for you.
I’ll look for you in someone else.
I can’t hold it down…
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
This is a shitty recording of a song I’ve been working on tonight. I haven’t finished it yet or anything, but it’s not my regular style and I’m not sure how I feel about it yet.
For You- Alyssa Ledesma
I sat awake and held my breath so I could feel the moments slip
But time it rages on and on; It’s sad you couldn’t hold it.
So tap those toes a steady pace, pretend you’d dare to turn that page.
And all the cares you thought you gave, I swear I didn’t notice.
Who gave everything to write another page of sympathy?
You saved that nicely, but where’s your dignity these days?
I watched it fade away.
Shouldnt I want to try to be a little more like you?
But I’d imply you’re terrified to be who you wanted to.
I’m not the type to play around with simple things,
or wait around on pulling strings.
But I’d wait around for you.
I’d wait around for you.
For You- Alyssa Ledesma
But time it rages on and on; It’s sad you couldn’t hold it.
So tap those toes a steady pace, pretend you’d dare to turn that page.
And all the cares you thought you gave, I swear I didn’t notice.
Who gave everything to write another page of sympathy?
You saved that nicely, but where’s your dignity these days?
I watched it fade away.
Shouldnt I want to try to be a little more like you?
But I’d imply you’re terrified to be who you wanted to.
I’m not the type to play around with simple things,
or wait around on pulling strings.
But I’d wait around for you.
I’d wait around for you.
(Source: makedamnsense)
And, somewhere is this mess of seams there’s a fray I thought I’d sewn.
Somewhere in this dirty town there’s a spark I used to feel,
and when I thought I’d burned it down, came to learn it wasnt real.
Only fireflies, burning in my eyes.
Only lies.
It’s the weight on my shoulder, the getting older, that pulls me to the ground.
It’s the place I looked down to, where I found you, that I wished to erase.
But I don’t have the grace, or the place to choose…
Time has got a funny way of pulling me away from all I’ve grown to be.
And I lack the motive to be pulled back to you,
to hold onto you.
Somewhere in that memory, there’s the guilt you grew to fear.
Somewhere in this empty world there’s a voice you die to hear.
Somewhere in this trail of ink are the words I’d love to say…
I lack the rope to borrowed time, chance pulled that away.
A key to yesterday is stuck in my way,
but I’m too late.
It’s the grace in this distance, the resistance, that keeps me to myself.
It’s the faith that I’d lost there, couldnt repair, that I wish that I’d felt.
No I don’t have the faith, or the place to choose…
Time has got a funny way of pulling me away from all I’ve grown to be.
And I lack the motive to be pulled back to you,
to hold onto you.
